Very Early--Try 6 baby. - 16 June, 2007
My Secret Love
okay. as you can see, i have obtained a new layout. and oh dear me how i adore it! the picture contains me and my bf...f josh! how amazing that lions park day was!
but i come to this diary to write about this feeling i have. and lord knows-- im in love. and im scared to write about it because of my myspace friends. yes although i have told no one but my secret love about this place getaway, im still scared that somebody that doesnt like me very much will find it.
which is stupid because, dear me, if i wanted no one to read this, why would i be typing these things on the internet? and i would put a lock on it, but it's like i want people to pay attention to me.
but im going to be strong and write it anyway. nobody knows about this place except the people i tell, and hardly anyone knows.
i think i go paragraph crazy, wouldn't you say?
anyway, about my secret love, whom i dedicated this entry to, he is the josh im talking about so much now. the same boyfriend that i broke up with--but the funny thing is.. its that when me and him broke up, my feelings were major on and off for him. like one day i'd miss him terribly, and the next i'd despise him.
well, it wasnt until the band trip to california when we decided to mend things, and my best friend decided that she needed to tell everyone. AND just to let you know, when it happend, i told NO ONE.
but dears, im getting ahead of myself now. that whole fiasco with the best friend is for another time, this is about my renewed love, and i'm not going to let her spoil it.
well, let's start with the california trip. the plan was for me and stef to hang out and she was going to try and make me forget about josh. so when we first arrived at the bandhall to all the way to the second day we were in california she was filling my head to ignore the poor boy and not to let him even talk to me.
so well, i did and the first day i didnt let it get to me but the second i was like all feeling bad everytime i shot him down when he was just asking me if i was excited about being in cali or not. i'd get this horrible twisting sensation in my stomach, and geez that was just the worst.
but when it finally clicked for me was the second days morning, when i noticed how super cute josh looked. and i started thinking, you know i think i may be getting a crush on him again. not to mention, most of the trip i sat with him on the bus. but anyway, i didnt really listen to stef that day. although i did shoot him down once or twice, that feeling got the best of me, so i apologized.
but what made it official was the third day, at knotts berry farm when stef asked me and the other girls in our group if they would let their ex buy them stuff still after the brake up. the others said that'd it would be weird, but i said "if it's a gift yeah i wouldn't mind." and stuff. then after a while she calls josh over, because we were standing in line at the time, and he was a few people away, and she tells hims "nia doesnt like you buying her things. she says it's uncomfortable for her..." and idk. and you know i never said that!
so that whole day was terrible for me! besides the fact that stef was really annoying me, i had to deal with the fact that she told him to not buy me anything anymore. and i know she was probably just jealous because the day before he had bought me minnie mouse ears and my birthstone in a mickey mouse necklace. but whatever her.
but the last day, at universal studios, that was the best day of my life! i dont know how to explain how everything went right that day. i called him because me and my friend, ale, wanted to go into a haunted house type thing, and we wanted guys, and thats when our groups emerged, his and mine. we went to jurassic park and omg the building connection over the past 2 days was unbelievable that day! we both new that we were unofficially together. and with how much we were spending time together, i could tell stef was very very mad or jealous. i couldnt tell, but she was just throwing fits about how "boring" the place was, and i knew it was because of me and josh, and also because we, as in ale, meredeth and i, wanted to go shopping and she blew all her money on the first two days!
that day was amazing. and the bus ride back was even more wonderful...though im not going to get into details about that!! ;)!
but now, im in mad love. probably more now than before we had that breakup. i've noticed that old saying is true --- "you dont really know what you have until it's gone"--- and boy, i thank God for letting us be back together because i truly missed him, he's my one true love. and i wouldn't know what i'd do without those kisses or hugs he gives me, those movie trips or the "i loves you's" because i would be lost without him, and i love him to much to let go again. he's a changed boy for the better, and that's what makes it even more special you know, that he was willing to change the "emo" out of him for me. [the reason why we broke up] but i know he's a different person for the better, and that's the reason i fell for him the first time, and i hope this stays the same forever and ever. because i love this boy and i hope know he loves me the same, if not more, as well.
so in love,
nia
